Hey, I think if you need to get this to 20 seconds, you should cut the looking around the apartment scenes. You don't need that many. It could go from the door to Jason looking out the window, then him looking at the figure on the table.

The dolly shot of the camera going around him is too long too. It'd be better if you substitued that with a close up of the angel so the audience has a better idea of what he's looking at, cuz with this, you can't really see it that well. Then you can show him playing with it and then breaking.

Do you have any shots of him thinking, "Oh I can use my sticky rice!". A shot of him realizing he can use that, and then cutting to him assembling the doll should be good.

Then cut the rest of him setting it back on the table and sitting down on the couch...you don't need that part.

You should go straight to where yor character comes back from whatever she is doing.

That help at all?