In 1996, I delivered a pizza to an old woman who did not have any money for a tip. "But I can give you a kitten," she said. I agreed because I was nineteen and making bad life choices. I picked out a tiny grey kitten that was hiding alone under a wicker basket and named her Boo because she was kind of spooky.

Boo the Cat has been a delightful companion over the twelve years but, alas, I am preparing to move and cannot bring her along. Will you adopt her? I've put together a short infomercial that highlights her best features. She's been spayed, vaccinated, and has all of her paperwork. She gets along famously with other cats and dogs, and she's also lived alone.

I am willing to drive within a 1000-mile distance of New York to deliver her to your doorstep and I will also provide a modest pension to support the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. Due to the volume of mail I expect to receive, only serious inquiries will be entertained.