I figured I'd finally get my life on track the way reality TV such as The Hills & The Real World have shown me how to get life on track time after time, and that track is falling face-first into the most glamorous, most whitest, upper-middle classiest, camera crew documented-iest world of...A SUMMER INTERNSHIP!!! You know...something to really put my Nation of Words(TM) on the map...

Really put me in the heat of the kitchen for which I can decide, "This is an acceptable temperature in this kitchen" or the alternative, "UH OH The heat from this kitchen is far more than I can take and I AM GETTING OUT OF THIS KITCHEN!"...

Really get with a fresh new medium that's going to be enjoyed by BILLIONS for the next TRILLION years with absolutely NO possibility that a giant comet called "technology" could blast its dinosaur methodology into a giant crater, later turning it into gasoline to fuel Nascar engines...

PEOPLE...I'm talking magazines!

PEOPLE...I'm talking cats!

PEOPLE...I'm talking Cat Fancy Magazine!

I WANT.