Dawn McSmelly was found as a three day old baby underneath the bed in a Thai whorehouse. Having being alive for only 72 hours she had already learned how to make killer french toast and could cuss in three languages.

A group of tourists raised her on a tour bus and forced her to perform amusing commentary for the masses.
She later escaped only to become the first person in america to ever eat a piece of cake.
It was a very good cake, moist and dark. But not bitter, no way man.

In her best selling memoirs Dawn recalls this fond memory, " I knew that the Sasquatch was hunting me, I could feel his cold eyes following me in the forest that day. It was the most erotic experience of my life. The net fell down around him, I had done it, I had captured BigFoot! Then I tickled him until he tooted...for science".

Ms. McSmelly resides deep in a cave in WisconSIN where she is currently studying the breeding instincts of her neighbors.

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